Love, Loss, and the Long Road to Baby Piz: Our Story of Resilience Through Infertility

Hi Friends!

I hope your week is off to a great start. Mine, on the other hand, has been a whirlwind of emotions. I recently received another negative pregnancy test, and with each passing month, it feels like I’m riding an emotional roller coaster. As we’re still getting to know each other, I thought it would be the right time to pause and share a bit of our story—how Ian and I met, how our love story unfolded, and how we’ve embarked on the sometimes difficult, yet hopeful, journey of starting our family.

How it All Began

Ian and I met on Bumble in 2020. It was a weird time (hello, global pandemic), and we were both going through transition phases. I had recently come out of a long-term relationship, and Ian was preparing for his second open-heart surgery to repair his aortic root and possibly his valve.

To give you some background: I wasn’t looking for a relationship. After being in relationships pretty much since I was 16, I wanted to focus on being single and “dating myself” for a while. I was using a dating app mainly to meet people and reflect on what I really wanted in a future partner. Let’s just say I was intentionally swiping on people I knew I wouldn’t date… except for Ian. His profile stood out—so thoughtful and intentional. Before we even exchanged a word, I could sense he was special.

I remember telling one of my best friends, “This guy could be trouble”—meaning, I could see myself falling for him. After chatting back and forth for a few weeks, we made plans to meet… and then both of us had to cancel. Ian canceled once; I canceled twice. After the second time, I knew he was probably going to write me off, but I really wanted to meet him. So, I offered to cook dinner at my apartment. Not a typical first-date move, I know, but I was determined to make it work.

Now, let me be clear: I would not recommend inviting someone over to your home for a first date. Seriously, what was I thinking? Besides the obvious safety concerns (especially during COVID), I hadn’t cooked a meal in months. Cue panic. With some help from my best girlfriends, I settled on a recipe I knew wouldn’t fail: my Spicy Zucchini & Sausage Skillet. Here’s the recipe if you’d like to try it yourself:

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Spicy Zucchini & Sausage Skillet Recipe

Ingredients:

• 1 lb ground Italian sausage (I like it spicy!)
• 2 zucchinis, diced
• ¼ cup white onion, diced
• Minced garlic (to taste)
• 1 can Italian diced tomatoes
• Grated Parmigiano Reggiano cheese (as much as you love)

Instructions:

1. Cook the Sausage: Heat a medium skillet over medium-high heat and cook the sausage until fully browned, about 10 minutes. Remove and set aside.
2. Sauté the Veggies: In the same skillet, cook the zucchini and onion until tender, about 5 minutes.
3. Add Garlic: Stir in minced garlic and cook for 2 minutes, but don’t burn it!
4. Combine Everything: Add the sausage and canned tomatoes to the skillet. Let it warm through.
5. Cheese Time: Stir in grated Parmigiano Reggiano and let it melt.
6. Simmer: Let it simmer for 10 minutes to blend the flavors.
7. Top & Serve: Add more cheese on top if desired!

Serve with Caesar salad, garlic bread, or enjoy it solo as a low-carb meal.

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The First Date

The night before our date, Ian texted me to tell me that he was going to have open-heart surgery in 12 days. Naturally, I Googled him to figure out why a 36-year-old man would need such a serious surgery. My sleuthing led me to a GoFundMe from 2014, set up when Ian suffered an ascending and descending aortic dissection. Google informed me that this condition is a life-threatening tear in the aorta, and I was immediately intrigued by his story.

On the night of our date, Ian arrived around 7:45 PM after a full day of work and a 40-mile drive to see me. As he pulled up in his black Toyota Tacoma, he leaned out the window with a big smile and called out, “Hey, girl, hey!” That playful greeting immediately set the tone for what I knew would be a great night. True to his thoughtful nature, Ian brought along a bottle of wine and an impressively large zucchini from his garden—which was a perfect touch considering what I was cooking.

We spent hours talking about everything under the sun, getting to know each other deeply. He even bonded with my two Maltese Shih Tzus, Logan and Lily—letting them lick his bald head, which scored him major points! Ian left around midnight, and as he walked out the door, I told him I’d love to see him again.

The Second Date

The day after our first date, Ian happened to be working in Sandy, which was close to where I lived in Sugarhouse. He called me when he got off work and asked if I was free to hang out. I had a book club meeting planned over Zoom that evening, but it was canceled, so I said yes.

Now, I have to admit, I was not exactly prepared for a second date. I had gone to an Orange Theory Fitness class during my lunch break and hadn’t gotten ready afterward. Ian was about 20 minutes away when he called, so I rushed to take a quick shower and get myself together. I wasn’t in my “top form,” so to speak, but I figured it was a good way for him to see the real, unedited version of me.

He picked me up, and we went to get sushi for dinner. Again, we spent hours talking and getting to know each other. The conversation flowed so easily. We both felt comfortable with one another, and it just seemed like a natural fit. By the end of the night, we were excited to see each other again, though we didn’t have plans for a third date just yet.

From Dating to Forever

We had three more dates before Ian’s surgery, and each one brought us closer together. We spent time getting to know each other on a deeper level, discovering shared values, interests, and dreams. While there was undeniable attraction between us, Ian chose to wait until our fourth date to kiss me. Our connection was grounded in mutual respect, faith, and a genuine understanding of one another, rather than just physical chemistry. In many ways, we were truly equally yoked.

Before Ian’s surgery, we hadn’t officially defined our relationship, but I was completely smitten. I cared so much that I nervously asked Ian how I could stay updated about his surgery. In response, he created a group text with me and his mom. I can only imagine what she thought: “Who is this random girl I need to keep informed about Ian’s progress?” But she was wonderful—warm, welcoming, and friendly, which is no surprise if you know Marie.

The surgery was a success! The doctors replaced his aortic root and confirmed his valve was fine. Remarkably, Ian was out of the hospital after just five days. Although I couldn’t see him for two weeks post-surgery, we stayed connected through texts, phone calls, and FaceTime. When we finally reunited for our next date, we officially defined our relationship.

The early days weren’t without challenges, but we faced them together. Those tough moments ultimately strengthened our bond, helping us grow as both individuals and as a couple. What could have been obstacles instead became stepping stones to a deeper connection.

In February 2021, we decided to move in together. I packed up my apartment and moved to Ogden, Utah—a place I never thought I’d live. We stayed there until September when we made the decision to sell the house and use the profits towards our forever home. We moved in with Ians parents to help us save money and allow us time to find the best house for us. After several offers and changes in plans, we finally found the perfect home on the east bench of Kaysville in July 2023. The night before closing, Ian proposed in front of the house, making it even more special. We got married three months later in an intimate backyard ceremony surrounded by our immediate family, our close friend and officiant, Brian, and it was everything we wanted and set our marriage off to a great start.

Our Journey to Baby Piz

Fast forward to May 2023. After Ian had fully recovered from a tonsillectomy, we decided it was the perfect time to start our family. To our absolute joy, I got a positive pregnancy test the week before Father’s Day—such beautiful timing it felt almost meant to be. We were over the moon and couldn’t wait to share the news with our closest family and friends.

The love and excitement from everyone was overwhelming, but one moment I will never forget was my dad’s reaction when he found out he was going to be a Grandpa. The pure joy on his face is a memory I hold so close to my heart. That moment still brings me immense joy, but it’s bittersweet, tinged with heartbreak when I think about it now.

Just three weeks later, during the week of July 4th, I began to bleed. I was only six weeks pregnant. Panicked, I called the doctor, and their words hit me like a ton of bricks—it was likely a miscarriage or what’s commonly referred to as a “chemical pregnancy.” They explained that there was no need to go to the ER unless the bleeding became severe and reassured me that we could try again after my next cycle. They said everything should be “fine,” but in that moment, “fine” felt worlds away.

I didn’t understand what a chemical pregnancy was, so I turned to Google and my “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” book. I learned that a chemical pregnancy is a very early miscarriage, happening within the first five weeks, before the pregnancy can even be seen on an ultrasound. Essentially, an embryo forms and implants in your uterine lining, but then stops developing.

I cried, I prayed, and my heart broke into pieces. I had never expected to get pregnant on the first try, so for it to happen and then be taken away so quickly was devastating. I found myself wondering, What did I do wrong? Could I have prevented this? It was hard not to blame myself, but I’ve since come a long way in shifting that mindset. Even so, the guilt and self-doubt were overwhelming.

To add to the emotional weight, that same week my company went through a large round of layoffs. Thankfully, my job was safe, but survivor guilt was real. My emotional bank account was in the negative, and I desperately needed a break. I remember texting Ian that I just wanted a drink and some chocolate. Two hours later, he surprised me with flowers, my favorite vodka, wine, and sweet treats. It was the kindest gesture, and on top of that, my sister-in-laws sent me a magnolia plant, which is still thriving today. Every time I see it, I’m reminded of what I lost but also of the importance of growth through hardship.

After that, we decided to take two months off from trying. I wasn’t emotionally ready the first month, and traveling the second month meant the timing wasn’t right. When we started to try again, month after month, I kept getting my period. In February 2024, I went in for my annual OB-GYN appointment, where we talked about next steps. My doctor recommended some tests, including my AMH, FSH, estradiol levels, TSH, and an ultrasound and hysterosalpingography. After the results came back “normal,” she diagnosed me with unexplained infertility and suggested we consider a fertility clinic.

Choosing to Embrace the Journey, Not the Label

I walked out of that appointment feeling confused and shattered. We had joined the 10-15% of people dealing with infertility, but I refused to let it define us. Words have power, and I truly believe that what we think and speak tends to come to light. That’s why I choose to say we are on our fertility journey…not our infertility journey. For me, it’s not a matter of “if,” but “when.” I truly believe that with time, faith, and perseverance, we will get there.

This journey has shown me the importance of mindset. I refuse to let a diagnosis or a label define who I am or what I’m capable of. Instead, I choose to focus on the hope and the future we’re building together, one step at a time. It’s a journey, not a destination—and I’m holding on to that.

While Ian and I continued to try naturally, I began researching fertility clinics. A great resource for this is the Society for Assisted Reproductive Technology (SART). Eventually, I made an appointment with Utah Fertility Clinic for May, but in April, we received the surprise news that we were pregnant again—our little miracle baby! We were overjoyed but cautious, deciding to keep the news to ourselves until after our first ultrasound.

I prayed every day, saying, “Let me carry this baby for as long as You have planned, Lord.” I talked to our baby every day, reassuring it: “Hang in there. You are strong.” But then, on Mother’s Day, I started experiencing severe back cramps. I knew something wasn’t right. By the next morning, the cramps worsened, and there was blood.

I called the doctor, who gave me the same advice as before—“Watch the bleeding, but keep your ultrasound appointment to check for a D&C.” But this time, the loss felt different. No one knew, and it was incredibly lonely. Ian tried his best to comfort me, but I just felt empty. My mind began to race, and I started researching recurrent pregnancy loss. Only 1% of women experience two or more miscarriages, and here we were, in that small, heartbreaking group.

I reached out to our fertility clinic and scheduled another appointment. I also began sharing the news with close friends and family. I’m still uncertain whether it’s better to share the news early or wait until later in the pregnancy. However, the more I share, the more I realize the number of women I know who have also experienced a miscarriage. In fact, 10-20% of known pregnancies end in miscarriage. Since opening up about our losses, I’ve connected with women who have been through similar experiences, and I’ve found a strong community. I hope that by sharing our journey, others who are going through something similar will know they’re not alone. That’s one of the reasons I started this blog.

In June, we had our consultation at Utah Fertility Clinic. After researching success rates and treatment options, we felt confident in our decision. Utah has some of the best clinics, and we were hopeful about moving forward. Our doctor was kind and took the time to explain all of our options. We began testing: Ian for sperm quality, me for uterine abnormalities, and both of us for a full genetic screen. The good news? Ian’s sperm came back good, and while I had some polyps in my uterus, they weren’t serious. After a hysteroscopy to remove the polyps, my uterus was cleared for pregnancy.

Genetic testing showed that Ian and I both carry the GJB2 gene. This gene is known as the hearing loss or deafness gene. This means our children have a 1 in 4 chance of being born with hearing loss or deafness. This could significantly affect their life, impacting everything from communication to education and social interactions. However, it’s important to note that early intervention can help manage the condition. Options include hearing aids or cochlear implants. These tools provide support for a child to thrive.

And just a bit of unsolicited advice (that I’m sharing anyway!): I highly recommend genetic testing for everyone. It’s invaluable information to have, and most insurance plans cover the cost. Plus, it’s a one-time test. Your genetics don’t change. It’s a simple, one-and-done way to gain valuable insight into your health.

Armed with this information, we explored our treatment options: medicated cycles, IUI, and IVF. IVF would let us rule out any embryos that carry the GJB2 gene. After weighing everything, we decided to proceed with medicated cycles. I started my first cycle in October. Each cycle involves:

• A baseline ultrasound
• Taking 2.5mg of Letrozole
• Follicle scans
• A trigger shot to induce ovulation,
• Progesterone suppositories
• A blood pregnancy test to confirm the next steps.

Lets just say, I spend a lot of time at the doctor’s office. Our treatment plan with the doctor was to try three cycles of medicated cycles with timed intercourse. After completing the cycles, we would meet to determine next steps. As mentioned at the beginning of this post, we recently received a negative pregnancy test result for our third cycle. We will be meeting with our doctor this month to discuss what the next steps will be.

This process has been overwhelming, but we are determined to trust that God has a plan for us. We’re asking for your prayers as we continue this journey and make decisions about what comes next.

Have you experienced a miscarriage, or are you on your own fertility journey? I’d love to hear from you in the comments. Please know you are not alone. If you’d like, I’d be honored to pray for you. I am also an open book. If you’d like more detail about some of my numbers, tests, or the journey itself…please just ask!

This space is meant to be a place of support and positivity. Thank you for letting me open up and share. It’s scary, but it’s also incredibly healing. I’ll continue to update you on our journey and the next steps we take.

With love,
Britt